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Items tagged with: humor


 

Mild Mild West: ‘Red Dead Online’ Isn’t Worth Playing Since You Can See Real Horses At The Zoo


After a lengthy rollout since its initial 2018 release, Red Dead Online finally exited beta last week, giving fans a reason to dive back into the game’s untamed Wild West alongside other cowboys. The open-world multiplayer definitely offers a vast and exciting frontier to explore, but it’s an experience that… Read more...

Read more at: https://ogn.theonion.com/mild-mild-west-red-dead-online-isn-t-worth-playing-s-1834955617

#humor #satire #news #... show more


 

David Brooks Decries Incivility Of Modern Plumbing After Tripping On Feet And Falling Headfirst Into Toilet


NEW YORK—Devoting thousands of words to what he called “one of the major issues facing Americans today,” New York Times op-ed writer David Brooks decried what he viewed as the incivility of modern plumbing Wednesday after tripping on his own feet and falling headfirst into a toilet. “I was struck recently by an… Read more...

Read more at: https://www.theonion.com/david-brooks-decries-incivility-of-modern-plumbing-afte-1834954527

#humor #satire #news #... show more


 

Distraught Man Still Finding Painful Reminders Of Long-Gone Hoagie Around Apartment


PHILADELPHIA—Plunged into an abyss of forlorn longing by the sight of a days-old grease stain on his kitchen counter, local man Sean Richardson confessed Wednesday that he still chances across painful reminders of a long-gone but much-loved hoagie around his apartment. “God, I can’t take two steps in the kitchen… Read more...

Read more at: https://local.theonion.com/distraught-man-still-finding-painful-reminders-of-long-1834955785

#humor #satire #news #... show more


 

Woman Attempting To Cultivate Self-Love Forced To Start Completely From Scratch After Photo Where Nose Looks Kind Of Weird


CHICAGO—Though she has spent years learning to accept that she is a worthwhile person with a lot to offer, area 28-year-old Ashley Connell was reportedly forced to start completely from scratch in her attempts to cultivate self-love Wednesday upon seeing a photograph in which her nose looked a little bit weird. “Oh,… Read more...

Read more at: https://local.theonion.com/woman-attempting-to-cultivate-self-love-forced-to-start-1834958234

#humor #satire #n... show more


 

25 McDonald’s Employees Come Forward With Sexual Harassment Claim


Twenty-five employees have filed sexual harassment charges against McDonald’s, describing accusations of sexual harassment, lewd comments, and retaliation on the job. What do you think? Read more...

Read more at: https://www.theonion.com/25-mcdonald-s-employees-come-forward-with-sexual-harass-1834962567

#humor #satire #news #theonion


 

Resistance Is Fetal


Read more...

Read more at: https://www.theonion.com/resistance-is-fetal-1834959505

#humor #satire #news #theonion


 

Why Politicians love different languages


#ClownWorld #truth #rofl #humor #fun #lol


 

Coach’s Un-Athletic Son Going To Get Fucking Reamed After Game For Dropping Fly Ball


PHILADELPHIA—Declaring that they “wouldn’t want to be him right now,” teammates of unathletic outfielder Brett Golliver, son of Coach Bo, confirmed Wednesday that he was going to get fucking reamed out after the game for dropping a routine fly ball in the sixth inning. “Oh my God, it went right through his hands. That… Read more...

Read more at: https://sports.theonion.com/coach-s-un-athletic-son-going-to-get-fucking-reamed-aft-1834950820

#humor #satire #news #... show more


 
But wait... if the loved ones are walking the golden streets of heaven, then what's all the grief about. Folks should rush off to join their loved ones there. Oh, but... it's a sin to suicide. If you do, off to Hell you go; no passing Go, no $200 bucks, either.

It's just not fair.

#facetious #wink-wink #humor


 
#Humor
no one can steal your data in the cloud


 

Zion Williamson Excited To Play For Team With Proven History Of Frittering Away Generational Talents


NEW ORLEANS—Claiming it would be an honor to follow in the footsteps of players like Chris Paul and Anthony Davis, Zion Williamson told reporters Tuesday that he’s excited to play for a team with a proven history of frittering away generational talents. “It will honestly be surreal to step on a court where such great… Read more...

Read more at: https://sports.theonion.com/zion-williamson-excited-to-play-for-team-with-proven-hi-1834921730

#humor #satire #news #... show more


 

ANIMALS GOT TALENT! Intelligent Animals From Around The World! | Top Talent



This is delightful, amazing and a laugh-and-a-half

#animal-talents #awesome-animals #amazing-trainers #animal-lovers #pets #humor


 

Mom Guesses Dressbarn Closure Means She’ll Just Have To Go Shop With All The Sluts Over At Chico’s Now


HAMMOND, IN—Saying Dressbarn’s sudden closure had left her bereft of stylish-yet-modest clothing options, local mom Susan Bell reportedly guessed Tuesday that she’ll just have to go shop with all those sluts over at Chico’s now. “I hope I don’t catch the clap rubbing elbows with all those Chico’s tramps while I’m… Read more...

Read more at: https://local.theonion.com/mom-guesses-dressbarn-closure-means-she-ll-just-have-to-1834924246

#humor #satire #... show more


 

Trump Demands Investigation Into Whether Clintons Gave Him Non-Registry Wedding Gift In 2005


WASHINGTON—Explaining that such a miscarriage of justice would not be tolerated under his watch, President Donald Trump reportedly demanded a federal investigation Monday into whether Bill and Hillary Clinton gave him a non-registry wedding gift in 2005. “Given the fact that Melania and I have no recollection of ever… Read more...

Read more at: https://politics.theonion.com/trump-demands-investigation-into-whether-clintons-gave-1834925601

#humor #satire #news #... show more


 

Everything We Know About The ‘Final Fantasy VII’ Remake


It makes sense that Square Enix has kept their Final Fantasy VII reimagining tightly under wraps. But with the recent “State Of Play” teaser trailer and a few key leaks, we’re finally hearing some details about this highly anticipated remake. Here’s what we know so far about the Final Fantasy VII remake. Read more...

Read more at: https://ogn.theonion.com/everything-we-know-about-the-final-fantasy-vii-remake-1834927433

#humor #satire #news #theonion


 

‘Game Of Thrones’ Caps Off Series Finale


After eight seasons of critically acclaimed high-fantasy drama, HBO’s Game Of Thrones capped off its final season this Sunday. What do you think? Read more...

Read more at: https://www.theonion.com/game-of-thrones-caps-off-series-finale-1834927228

#humor #satire #news #theonion


 
I have a new proposal for dealing with the super rich, a Bill Gates inspired salary cap of $640,000 a year

Because even Gates said that '640K ought to be enough for anyone'

#politics #humor #humour


 

Freedom-Wielding High Schooler Freedoms Down 16 Classmates In Latest Mass Freedoming


NORTHAMPTON, MA—In a deadly exercise of freedom that has already sparked nationwide debate, authorities confirmed Tuesday that freedom-wielding high school sophomore Langston Perry Shamet freedomed
... show more


 

People Criticizing ‘Anthem’ Don’t Understand The Developer’s Vision Of A Game That Had To Come Out This Past Fiscal Year


Ever since Anthem was released in February, players have been slamming BioWare and EA because the repetitive gameplay and lackluster story fell well short of expectations. This is sadly in line with a disturbing trend in gaming, where players criticize developers based on their own ideal version of the game and not… Read more...

Read more at: https://ogn.theonion.com/people-criticizing-anthem-don-t-understand-the-develo-1834922658

#humor #satire #news... show more


 

Freedom-Wielding High Schooler Freedoms Down 16 Classmates In Latest Mass Freedoming


NORTHAMPTON, MA—In a deadly exercise of freedom that has already sparked nationwide debate, authorities confirmed Tuesday that freedom-wielding high school sophomore Langston Perry Shamet freedomed down 16 classmates in the latest in a series of mass freedomings. “This tragedy was a senseless act of freedom… Read more...

Read more at: https://www.theonion.com/freedom-wielding-high-schooler-freedoms-down-16-classma-1834921265

#humor #satire #news #... show more


 
Image/Photo
Good day for you all!
#dogs #dog #humor


 

Actor Who Portrayed The Night King Recalls Challenge Of Playing Character With No Purpose


BELFAST, NORTHERN IRELAND—Shedding light on the difficult process of believably portraying the Game Of Thrones villain the Night King, actor Vladimir Furdik opened up to reporters Mon
... show more


 

Actor Who Portrayed The Night King Recalls Challenge Of Playing Character With No Purpose


BELFAST, NORTHERN IRELAND—Shedding light on the difficult process of believably portraying the Game Of Thrones villain the Night King, actor Vladimir Furdik opened up to reporters Monday about the creative challenge of playing a character with absolutely no purpose whatsoever. “The Night King was a very demanding role… Read more...

Read more at: https://entertainment.theonion.com/actor-who-portrayed-the-night-king-recalls-challenge-of-1834899302

#humor #satire #news... show more


 

Relationship Experts Still No Closer To Discovering What Scarlett Johansson Sees In Colin Jost


NEW YORK—Frustrated that two years of rigorous study have failed to yield any insight, relationship experts at Columbia University conceded Monday they have made no progress in determining what, exactly, Scarlett Johansson sees in her fiancé, Saturday Night Live star Colin Jost. “We’ve ruled out the possibility Ms.… Read more...

Read more at: https://entertainment.theonion.com/relationship-experts-still-no-closer-to-discovering-wha-1834898222

#humor #satire #... show more


 

San Francisco Bans Facial Recognition Technology


In a first for U.S. cities, San Francisco banned all local agencies, such as law enforcement and transit authorities, from using facial recognition technology. What do you think? Read more...

Read more at: https://www.theonion.com/san-francisco-bans-facial-recognition-technology-1834904432

#humor #satire #news #theonion


 


"why do you have that on your head?"

"Ha ha! because I'm a pothead"

#funny #batman #batdad #humor #lol